That statement is too sweeping

A woman in her seventies:

"When one looks at these women and men here in the pool, one would never guess, how decrepit we all are there, on the dry land."

 ------

Kahdeksatta kymmenettä käyvä nainen:

"Kun täällä altaassa näitä miehiä ja naisia katselee, ei arvaisi, kuinka raihnaisia me kaikki ollaan tuolla kuivalla maalla."

By Bean & Crumpet

Gladys did not linger

A sock told about its tragic life.

"I've always been trambled on."

-----

Sukka kertoi traagisesta elämästään.

"Minua on aina tallottu."

By Bean

He found himself looking out upon a changed world

Happiness is a man, who in the morning puts his glasses on you and playfully says to you:

"Professor".

---

Onni on mies, joka aamulla laittaa silmälasinsa päähäsi ja sanoo sinulle leikkisästi:

"Professori".

By Crumpet

You'll feel funnier if I can get in

A little slip of the tongue?

He meant to say "Give me a kiss.".

Instead he asked: "Give me gas.". 

But I still believe he would prefer the first action mentioned..

-------

Lievä lipsahdus?

Hänen piti sanoa minulle: "Anna pusu.".

Sen sijaan hän pyysi: "Anna paukku.".

Silti uskoakseni hän arvostaa ennemmin ensimmäistä toimitusta..

By Crumpet

And a tail coat

Seduction  in a relationship, that's lasted over five years.

Bean: "Without further ado.."

-----

Viettelyä yli viisi vuotta kestäneessä parisuhteessa.

Papu: "Pidemmittä puheitta.."

By Crumpet

On and off

Strange come-ons, part 526.

A man yells from a restaurats terrace to a woman passing by: "Pussy, pyssy, pussy, pussyyyy!"

----- 

Kummallisia iskuyrityksiä, osa 526.

Mies huutaa ravintolan terassilta ohi kulkevalle naiselle: "Pillu, pillu, pillu, pilluuu!"

By Crumpet

Have you noticed a peculiar thing as you go through life?

A woman talks about her happy relationship:

"My husband does everything. All I need to do is to gain weight."

 -----

Nainen kertoo onnellisesta parisuhteestaan:

"Mun mies tekee kaiken. Mulla ei ole muuta tekemistä kuin lihominen."

By Bean & Crumpet

And there's something else

Jim Hacker: "Sir Humphrey! To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Sir Humphrey Appleby: "Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms, my profound opposition to the newly instituted practice, which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, culminating in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis, which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the function of government within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland!"

Jim Hacker: "You mean you've lost your key?"

In the episode The Key in Yes, Prime Minister

By Bean & Crumpet

This poor bit of human wreckage is officially established as the cream in your coffee and the salt in your stew?

Relationship humor.

Bean: " Crumpet is like a nut. Nicely small, round and a hole in the middle."

--------

Parisuhdehuumoria.

Papu: "Muru on kuin mutteri. Mukavan pieni, pyöreä ja reikä keskellä."

By Bean & Crumpet

Let me think

We've been planning of getting walkie-talkies, because they would be convenient way of keeping in touch through work day - we happen to work fairly closely. We already have our codenames figured out..

Bean: "Hello, hello, (static, static), do you hear me Fat, this is Pile?"

-------

Olemme suunnitelleet radiopuhelinten hankintaa, niillä kun pitäisi kätevästi yhteyttä työpäivän aikana - työpaikkamme sattuvat sijaitsemaan melko lähekkäin. Meillä on jo koodinimetkin valmiina..

Bean: "Haloo, haloo (rätinää, rätinää), kuuleeko Läski, täällä Läjä?"

By Bean & Crumpet

That's the spirit

Humor blossoms on the streets of Paris..

-----------

Huumori kukkii Pariisin kaduilla..

By Bean & Crumpet

I'll drop you

"Chivalry got killed by the feminist movement in all them magazines that got women goin' crazy because women got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And it's true. I see the shit in the magazines. I don't read 'em, but I be seein' the cover. I look at - you ever be in the grocery store, fellas, you look at one of them magazines, and it say on the cover, "a hundred ways to please your man" by some lady. Get outta here, man. Come on. Ain't no hundred ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with balls and fix him a sandwich and don't talk so much. And that makes them happy. That's it."

Dave Chappelle in Killin' Them Softly

By Bean & Crumpet

His companion could hardly spoke

Walking on the street, on my way to work. A man with a drinking problem, about forty, walks towards me.

Compliments in the morning..

Man: "You've got nice boobs"

I give him the finger.

Man: "They were worth that."

I keep on walking, still hearing from behind me.

Man: "And you've got a nice bottom as well.."

By Crumpet

-----------

Kävelin kadulla, matkalla töihin. Alkoholisoitunut, noin nelikymppinen mies kävelee vastaan.

Aamuisia kohteliaisuuksia..

Mies: "Sulla on hyvät munkit"

Näytän hänelle sormea.

Mies: "Oli ne ton arvoiset."

Jatkan kävelemistä, perästä kuuluu vielä.

Mies: "On sulla hyvä pebakin.."

By Crumpet

Boyish outlook on life

Charlie Brown: "Look at that  little red-haired girl...Isn't she cute? That's the trouble of being a kid... I can't invite her out to dinner... I can't even invite her for a cup of coffee..."

Linus: "You could stand on the corner and eat an orange..."

--------

Jaska Jokunen: "Katsohan tuota pientä punatukkaista tyttöä... Eikö hän olekin kaunis? Lapsena olemisessa on se ikävä puoli, ettei voi kutsua häntä ulos illalliselle... En voi kutsua häntä edes kahville..."

Eppu: "Tehän voisitte seisoskella nurkalla ja syödä appelsiinia."

In Peanuts (July 6th, 1982)

By Bean & Crumpet

You're dishing that out?

Alice: "You know that stuff they're selling now at the local shop?"
Geraldine: "Which stuff?"
Alice: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine: "Oh yes."
Alice: "Well, I can't believe it's not butter."
Geraldine: "Yeah, well I believe that is the idea, yeah."
Alice: "Then yesterday, I went to Crookenden and I bought this other stuff, like a sort of home-brand, you know?"
Geraldine: "Yes.."

Alice: "And you know, I can't believe it's not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine : "Mmm. I'm losing you now."
Alice : "Well, you know I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?"
Geraldine : "Yeah, you think it is butter."
Alice : "No no, I mean you know the stuff that I can't believe is not butter is called I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine : "Probably, yeah, yeah."
Alice : "Well I can't believe the stuff that is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and I can't believe that both I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff that I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe they both might be butter, in a cunning disguise. And in fact there's a lot more butter around than we all thought there was."
Geraldine : "Yeah. You see, I don't know what you're talking about."

In The Vicar of Didley

By Bean & Crumpet

It took her six distinct adjectives to describe him

A woman in the swimming pool, in the waterjoggers lane.

"I was thinking why you look so familiar, but then I realized that you a part of that tandem" and pointed to Bean, who was this time swimming in the next lane.

--------

Nainen uima-altaassa vesijuoksijoiden radalla.

"Mä mietin, miksi sä näytit niin tutulta, mutta mä tajusin, että sähän olet osa sitä tandemia" ja viittasi toisella radalla tällä kertaa uivaan Papuun.

By Bean & Crumpet

He was listening to his pig

How many would get offended by the idea, that their spouse would call them by nicknames such as piggy, pig, piglet, pigster, oinkster or little-piggy-wiggy?

Bean has given these pig-themed nicknames for Crumpet, inspired by Blandings Castle -books and the Empress-pig, which enjoys it's life eating and sleeping in the piggery. And Crumpet loves her nicknames..

By Bean & Crumpet

------

Monikohan suuttuisi ajatuksesta, että puoliso kutsuisi tätä lempinimillä possu, nasu, piglet, possukka, oinkster, porkster, nöf-nöf tai pikku-porsas? 

Bean on antanut mm. nämä possuaiheiset lempinimet Crumpetille Blandings Castle -kirjojen Empress-possun mukaan, joka tyytyväisenä nauttii elämästään lätissään syöden ja nukkuen. Ja Crumpet rakastaa lempinimiään..

By Bean & Crumpet

I see you've got one

Pieni humoristimme Bean kiteytti syyt, miksi Crumpet häntä rakastaa:

"Tärkeintä ei ole raha tai titteli, vaan maha ja kikkeli"

(Ja Crumpetista hän on ihan oikeassa.)

Että tämmöistä täällä meillä tänään.

By Bean & Crumpet