What ho, no, not the bird

Lord Bosham: "'Then, by Jove', he said, 'this bird is the bird, after all! I thought for a while,' he explained, 'that he couldn't be the bird, but now you've told this it's quite clear he must be the bird. The bird in the flesh, By Jingo! Well, I'm dashed!'"

 In Uncle Fred in the Springtime by P. G. Wodehouse

By Bean & Crumpet

Nothing important

René Artois: "My name is Rene, this is my cafe. But at the moment, my life is one big problem. You see, I have to be nice to the Germans. They are my customers, they are winning the war, so if I am not nice to them, they will shoot me. I have to be nice to The Resistance..."

Edith Artois: "Otherwise they will shoot him for being nice to the Germans!"

René Artois: "I have to be nice to my wife because if she finds out I'm having an affair with Yvette, she will shoot me. If Yvette finds out I'm having an affair with Maria, she will shoot me. Now, Otto Flick, the Gestapo officer, is having dinner in the back room. Upstairs are two German officers in their underwear because I have borrowed their uniforms to help two British airmen to escape. The pianist over there is in fact a forger for The Maquis. And the German officer at that table fancies me. And it is only Tuesday."

In 'Allo 'Allo!

By Bean & Crumpet

This seemed to interest Uncle Percy

Richie Iannucci: "Okey. Goin' in to your head, you're goin' to have to choose one. Would you rather have toothpicks showed under your fingernails or take the subway, at rush hour, naked?
Doug Heffernan: "Hmm, let's... I'm going to go with the toothpicks, just for everyone elses sake."
Richie: "All right. Gime me one."
Doug: "M-okay. Would you rather have, have your big toe amputated or make out with Larry King for 15 minutes?
Richie: "We lyin' down or standin' up?"
Doug: "You're leaning against a car."
Richie: "Argh, it's right down the line!"
Doug: "Yeah. You think that one over."

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

I never heard of anything so absurd

Doug: "I use bacon as a condiment."

In The King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

He would supply them with his waist measurements

Arthur: "Ah, dinner Italiano! Whumbaa! Aren't you having anything, sweetheart?"

Carrie: "No, I'm on a diet."

Arthur: "Ah, you kids with your dieting and your health. In my day, we dropped dead of a massive coronary in our mid-fifties and we liked it!"

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

The past was past and a new era had begun

"Love, Miss Holiday, is delicate plant. It needs tending, nursing, assiduous fostering."

In Leave it to Psmith by P. G. Wodehouse

Vietimme viikko sitten ensimmäistä hääpäiväämme täällä Berliinissä, meille tyypilliseen tapaan:  herkutellen ravintola Bocca di Baccon romanttisissa puitteissa. Olemme vuoden mittaan puhuneet siitä, miten naimisiin meno ei ole muuttanut välillämme mitään - ja hyvä niin - sillä olemme olleet toisiimme yhtä sitoutuneita suhteemme alusta alkaen. 

Elämämme on yhteisiä harrastuksia, arkea ihanassa kodissamme, matkustelua, haaveita & unelmia - kahden ihmisen välistä onnea. 

Kaikki, mitä haluamme, on tässä.

By Bean & Crumpet

That's the way to talk

Denise Laroque: "The love of my life. My heart pounds like a sea of passion, crushing on the rocks of my desire. I have but to look at you and I see clouds scatting across the moon, trees bending on a tropical shore."

René Artois: "Did you have cheese for supper?"

In 'Allo, 'Allo

By Bean & Crumpet

Dusk had fallen once more

Odo: "I'll never understand this obsession with accumulating material wealth. You spend your entire life plotting and scheming to acquire more and more possessions, until your living areas are bursting with useless junk. Then you die and your relatives sell everything and start the cycle all over again."

In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

By Bean & Crumpet

But his motive?

Antelope 1: "Running is mind thing. It is a mind thing."

Antelope 2: "It is a mind thing. It is not just..." 

Antelope 1: "It's not case of just putting one foot in front of another. It is a mind thing. If you haven' got the frame of mind to run that day, that time, that minute, you're only one step away from a walk. That, that just it"

Antelope 2: "That's a good point."

In Creature Comforts 2

By Bean & Crumpet

Oh, I'm coming to the point

Mr Meldrew: "I don't believe these letters. Listen to this one. "'Dear Aunty Lucy, although we both are over seventy my husband and I still enjoy normal relations every Saturday night with the help of painkillers. My husband is a little confuced as to subject of contraception and always keeps his cap on as a precaution."

In episode Love and Death in One Foot in the Grave

By Bean & Crumpet

He was luxuriating in restful solitude in a punt under a willow by the bank of the moat

"Mr John Hamilton Potter, founder and proprietor of the well-known New York publishing house of  J. H. Potter Inc., laid down the typescript which had been engaging his leisurely attention, and from the depths of his basket-chair gazed dreamily across the green lawns and gleaming flower-beds to where Skelldings Hall basket in the pleasent June sunshine. He was feeling quietly happy. The waters of the moat glittered like liquid silver; a gentle breeze brought to his nostrils the scent of newly cut grass; the doves in the immemorial elms cooed and he had not seen Clifford Gandle since luncheon. God, it seemed to Mr Potter, was in his heaven and all was right in the world."  

In Blandings Castle by P .G. Wodehouse

By Bean & Crumpet

Toodle-oo till we meet again

Arthur: "All right, Dougie, Charlie Schultz is about to to get a taste of his own medicine.
Douglas: "Oh, jeah?"
Arthur: "I'm working on my own comic strip based on his life. It's called Beernuts.It's about a gang of six-year-olds who hang out at a bar."
Douglas: "I like it. Which one of the stick figures is supposed to be Schultz?"

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

Well, go straight up to your room and screw on the spare one

Douglas: "Hey, can I get you a beer?"

Arthur: "Sure, that's what the airbags are for."

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

He had found a way

Homer Simpson: "Since the dawn of parking lots, man has sought to stuff his guts with food and alcohol in anticipation of watching others exercise" 

In The Simpsons

By Bean & Crumpet

He stood silently supporting himself with one hand against a cab shelter and catching invisible flies with other, a sort of sweet, fixed smile on his face

Sam Marlowe: "Perharps I'll come back tomorrow."
Arnie Rogers: "When's that?"
Sam Marlowe: "The day after today."
Arnie Rogers: "That's yesterday. Today's tomorrow."
Sam Marlowe: "It was."
Arnie Rogers: "When was tomorrow yesterday, Mr Marlowe?"
Sam Marlowe: "Today."
Arnie Rogers: "Oh, sure. Yesterday."

In Alfred Hitchcock's The Trouble with Harry

By Bean & Crumpet

I wonder if Jimmy's put on weight?

A small girl explains to her friends..

“I have a really ordinary granma, who has wooly socks and who bakes ginger bread cookies and buns and rolls and cakes.. Actually she bakes way too much..”
------
Pieni tyttö selittää kavereilleen..

”Mulla on sellanen ihan tavallinen mummo, jolla on villasukkia ja joka leipoo pipareita ja pullaa ja sämpylöitä ja kakkuja.. Oikeestaan se leipoo ihan liikaa..”

By Bean & Crumpet

Incognito, of course

How would you like to be

  Down by the Seine with me?

  Oh, what I'd give for a moment or two 

Under the bridges of Paris with you.

Madame Edith sings Under the Bridges of Paris in Allo 'Allo!

By Bean & Crumpet

Come clean

Woman, 52 years.

"I haven't got my periods in eight weeks. I've bled for forty years, that's more than enough."

-------

Nainen, 52 vuotta.

"Mulla ei oo tullu menkkoja nyt kahdeksaan viikkoon. Mä oon nelkyt vuotta vuotanut verta, kyllä se jo riittää."

By Crumpet

A têtê-a-têtê

"The three sadest words in English language, Lovejoy: beer or cider?"

Tinker Dill in Lovejoy

By Bean & Crumpet

I mean, consider the facts

"These days it seems people will do almost anything to get on television. Stand behind news reporters mouthing: 'Hello mum'. Deliberately buy yoghurt past by it sell-by date, so they can complain to Ann Robinson. Or video their pets being knocked unconscious by garden swings, in the hope the producer of You've been framed will believe it to be spontanious. Fame is the spur. But fame, as we shall see, is like oven-ready frozen meal for one: not as nice as it looks."

Inspector Raymond Fowler in The Thin Blue Line

By Bean & Crumpet