Why Brazil?

Seen in a food store.

A little boy drops his pants down, touches his willy laughing, picks up his pants and runs to the confectionery stand, where he sticks his hands to every pick'n mix box he can reach.

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Ruokakaupassa nähtyä.

Pieni poika tiputtaa housut polviin, koskettelee nauraen pippeliään, nostaa housut ylös ja juoksee karkkitiskille, missä työntää kätensä kaikkiin irtokarkkilaatikoihin, joihin yltää.

By Bean

I have never denied it

Happened in the 1980's.

A teacher in the classroom, guiding children about Amiga computer.

"Now children, you must not sneeze towards that computer, or it can get a virus."

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Tapahtui 1980-luvulla.

Opettaja luokkahuoneessa, opastaa lapsia Amiga -tietokoneesta.

"Älkää lapset sitten aivastako tuon koneen suuntaan, se voi saada viruksen."

By Bean

What shall I do?

There's a nice little panic for you, when in the swimming hall's shower, you discover, that you've packed with you the top of your bikini and your husbands trunks..

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Siinäpä sinulle mukava pieni paniikki, kun uimahallin suihkutilassa huomaat pakanneesi mukaasi bikiniesi yläosan ja miehesi uimahousut..

By Crumpet

Open that door

 

 A question of the day.

What kind of people bring with them their own (quite ordinary) wine glasses to a home, where they know to be wine glasses?

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Päivän kysymys.

Millaiset ihmiset tuovat mukanaan omat (aivan tavanomaiset) viinilasinsa kotiin, jossa tietävät olevan viinilaseja?

By Crumpet

On and off

Strange come-ons, part 526.

A man yells from a restaurats terrace to a woman passing by: "Pussy, pyssy, pussy, pussyyyy!"

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Kummallisia iskuyrityksiä, osa 526.

Mies huutaa ravintolan terassilta ohi kulkevalle naiselle: "Pillu, pillu, pillu, pilluuu!"

By Crumpet

Mr Bunting sipped his milk slowly, and put a point

When do you know that you are small?

When a bin man hits you with a waste bin and doesn't notice a thing, untill you start to scream..

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Milloin tietää olevansa pieni?

Kun roskakuski osuu roska-astialla sinuun, eikä huomaa mitään, ennen kuin alat kiljua..

By Crumpet

Starting at the feet

Absent-minded day.

On an absent-minded day, when you leave the swimming hall, only then you come to realize, that you have an odd pair of shoes on.

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Hajamielinen päivä.

Hajamielisenä päivänä huomaat vasta uimahallilta lähtiessäsi, että sinulla on eriparia olevat kengät jalassasi.

By Crumpet

Shuddering strongly

A table companion you don't want to meet.

1. He licks his fingers clean of food in a noisily manner.

2. He slurps every spoonful of his soup.

3. He snorts snot in between eating.

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Pöytätoveri, jota et halua tavata.

1. Hän nuolee sormiaan puhtaaksi ruuasta äänekkäästi lipoen.

2. Hän hörppii jokaisen lusikallisen keittoaan.

3. Hän ryystää räkäänsä syömisen lomassa.

By Crumpet

I was pulling her leg

You get in to a slight panic when you are dressing up in a hurry after a swim and suddenly you realize you can’t find your panties anywhere.

You go through and through your clothes and stuff - you can’t find them..

Until then, five minutes after frantic searching and contingency plans (Can I put on just the tights? Preferably not), you figure out that you may have inadvertently worn them under your shirt by accident - and there, from your sleeve you find them.

Fortunately, they were found in a swimming hall rather than at work - panties sticking out from shirt neckline ..

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Siinä iskee hienoinen paniikki, kun kiireessä pukeudut uimahallissa ja yhtäkkiä huomaat, ettet löydä pikkuhousujasi mistään.

Vellot ja vellot vaatteitasi ja tavaroitasi - ei löydy..

Kunnes sitten, viiden minuutin etsimisen ja varasuunnitelmien jälkeen (voinko vetää jalkaan pelkät sukkahousut? en mielellään), keksit, että olet ehkä vahingossa pukenut ne paidan mukana vahingossa päällesi - ja sieltä hihastahan ne löytyvät.

Onneksi ne löytyivät uimahallissa, eikä niin, että töissä alushousut olisivat pilkistäneet paidan kaula-aukosta..

By Crumpet

Nothing happened when he reached the lodge and rang the front door bell

A Finnish customer at it best..

A waiter arrives at the counter, where customers have been waiting for few minutes.

The customers begins by saying: "The service here is really bad and slow."

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Suomalainen asiakas parhaimmillaan..

Tarjoilija saapuu tiskille, jossa asiakkaat ovat odottaneet muutaman minuutin.

Asiakas aloittaa: "Täällä on kyllä todella huono ja hidas palvelu."

By Bean & Crumpet

You don't mean it's true?

Cheese shopping at our trusted merchant. We picked up some gruyère and beaufort for fondue.

Salesperson: "You should really serve snaps with fondue, to melt all that cheese in your stomach. Do you happen to know Williams pear brandy? Have you tasted it? They drink it in Switzerland and Austria. It does not taste like hard spirit at all, really deceatful staff that. We once had a fondue party, where we served it and our guests - really smart and stylish people - and there they were, laying here and there, on our neighbours yards."

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Juusto-ostoksilla luottokauppiaamme luona. Mukaan tarttuu fondueta varten gruyère- ja beaufort juustoja. 

Myyjä: "Fonduen kanssa on kyllä hyvä tarjoilla snapseja, jotta kaikki se juusto sulaa mahassa. Tiedättekö muuten Williamsin päärynäviinan? Oletteko maistaneet sitä?  Sitähän juodaan Sveitsissä ja Itävällassa. Se ei maistu yhtään viinalle, on tosi petollista tavaraa. Meillä oli kerran fondue-kestit, jossa me tarjoiltiin sitä ja meidän vieraat, tosi fiksua ja filmaattista porukkaa, siellä ne makoili pitkin naapureiden pihoja."

By Bean & Crumpet 

The sunshine was suddenly blotted from his life

Wallace: "Won't you come in? We were just about to have some cheese."

Wendolene: "Oh no, not cheese. Sorry. Brings me out in a rash. Can't stand the stuff."

Wallace: "Not even Wensleydale?"

In A Close Shave

By Bean & Crumpet

Our mutual friend is still a little terse with the flesh and blood, eh?

French logic..?

B&C in a restaurant in Paris. Suddenly, just past our feet springs a mouse.

Crumpet is startled by this rather surprising sight and lets out a little scream in Finnish: "Mouse!" The French customers seem to find Crumpets reaction and the whole situation mainly amusing. The mouse quickly dissappears under a cupboard near by, where they store cutlery and bread served to customers.

Since no one in the staff witnessed the situation, the determined little Crumpet tries to inform them of this displaced creature. After hearing what she has to say, the waiter answers, shrugging her shoulders: "They come from the back alley".

So, because the mice were not restaurant's own mice, the whole thing was settled as that.

By Bean & Crumpet
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Ranskalaista logiikkaa..?

B&C ravintolassa Pariissa. Yhtäkkiä aivan jalkojemme juuresta viuhahtaa hiiri.

Crumpet säikähtää tätä yllättävää näkyä ja kiljahtaa suomeksi "Hiiri!" Ranskalaisia asiakkaita C:n kiljahdus ja koko tilanne näyttää lähinnä naurattavan. Hiiri katoaa läheisen kaapin alle, jossa säilytetään mm. aterimia ja pöytiin tarjoiltavaa leipää.

Koska kukaan henkilökunnasta ei nähnyt tilannetta, yritti päättäväinen pikku Crumpet vielä kertoa tästä ravintolaan kuulumattomasta otuksesta. Kuulemaansa tarjoilija vastaa, olkapäitään kohauttaen: "Ne tulevat takakujalta".

Eli koska hiiri ei ollut ravintolan oma hiiri, oli asia sillä selvä.

By Bean & Crumpet

What's all this?

"Well, they asked me to substitute for a German teacher and I said nein, which I thought meant yes. But apparently nein means no, so I blew a big opportunity."

Peggy Hill in King of the Hill

By Bean & Crumpet

But he didn't gather frogs

A product demonstrator in a store, serving customers Tuc-crackers with Philadelphia Garlic & Herbs cream cheese.

Demonstrator: "You should always have some snack biscuits at home. They are very convinient, because you can serve them with a sweet or savory topping."
Customer, as she eats the biscuit: "Which one are these?"
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Tuote-esittelijä tarjoilee asiakkaille Tuc-keksejä, joille on levitetty Philadelphia Valkosipuli & Yrtit tuorejuustoa.

Esittelijä: "Suolakeksejä kannattaa aina pitää varalla kotona. Ne ovat todella käteviä, sillä niitä voi tarjota sekä makean, että suolaisen täytteen kanssa"

Asiakas, syöden tarjolla olevaa keksiä" Kumpia nää on?"

By Bean & Crumpet

You are thinking that you have never had a butler in love with you before

  

Mies puhelimessa: "Mennään vaan sinne Manhattan Stiik Haussiin (Manhattan Steak House), ei mihinkään Cheese Dominiikkkiin (Chez Dominique) tai muuhun yläluokan paikkaan, mistä ei alle viiden tonnin selviä.."

By Bean

She would probably have been deeply offended

There is a great difference between giving advice to help someone, than to give advice to critizise someone.

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On aivan eri asia neuvoa auttaakseen, kuin neuvoa arvostellakseen.

By Bean & Crumpet

You're dishing that out?

Alice: "You know that stuff they're selling now at the local shop?"
Geraldine: "Which stuff?"
Alice: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine: "Oh yes."
Alice: "Well, I can't believe it's not butter."
Geraldine: "Yeah, well I believe that is the idea, yeah."
Alice: "Then yesterday, I went to Crookenden and I bought this other stuff, like a sort of home-brand, you know?"
Geraldine: "Yes.."

Alice: "And you know, I can't believe it's not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine : "Mmm. I'm losing you now."
Alice : "Well, you know I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?"
Geraldine : "Yeah, you think it is butter."
Alice : "No no, I mean you know the stuff that I can't believe is not butter is called I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
Geraldine : "Probably, yeah, yeah."
Alice : "Well I can't believe the stuff that is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and I can't believe that both I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and the stuff that I can't believe is not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are both, in fact, not butter. And I believe they both might be butter, in a cunning disguise. And in fact there's a lot more butter around than we all thought there was."
Geraldine : "Yeah. You see, I don't know what you're talking about."

In The Vicar of Didley

By Bean & Crumpet

The time has come to speak out

They say that you get your residence permit, when someone asks you for advice to find out some address they are looking for. But what do you get when in that situation you guide that person in to a completely wrong direction?

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Sanotaan, että saat kotipaikkaoikeuden, kun joku kysyy sinulta neuvoa löytääkseen etsimänsä osoitteen. Mutta mitä saat siinä tapauksessa, kun neuvot tällaisen kysyjän aivan väärään paikkaan?

By Crumpet

There, there, there!

For one reason or another these following tv-series only gather dust on our shelves: Dad's Army, Tabu (Finnish tv-series), Girl's On Top, Black Adder, Wild West, Agatha Christie's Partners in Crime.. 

But only by trying can one make new discoveries..

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Syystä tai toisesta seuraavat tv-sarjat ovat jääneet meillä hyllyyn pölyttymään: Ruutiukot, Tabu, Girl's On Top, Musta Kyy, Wild West, Agatha Christie's Partners in Crime..

Mutta vain kokeilemalla voi tehdä uusia löytöjä..

By Bean & Crumpet