This seemed to interest Uncle Percy

Richie Iannucci: "Okey. Goin' in to your head, you're goin' to have to choose one. Would you rather have toothpicks showed under your fingernails or take the subway, at rush hour, naked?
Doug Heffernan: "Hmm, let's... I'm going to go with the toothpicks, just for everyone elses sake."
Richie: "All right. Gime me one."
Doug: "M-okay. Would you rather have, have your big toe amputated or make out with Larry King for 15 minutes?
Richie: "We lyin' down or standin' up?"
Doug: "You're leaning against a car."
Richie: "Argh, it's right down the line!"
Doug: "Yeah. You think that one over."

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

Gaw!

Crumpet runs into her friend on the stereet.

Crumpet: "Hi! What's up?"

Friend: "Just waiting for my girlfriend. She's at the pharmacy, buing some lubricant."

Perhaps a tiny bit too much information?

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C tapaa ystävänsä kadulla.

C: "Hei! Mitäs täällä hommailet?"

Ystävä: "Odottelen mun tyttöystävää. Se on tuolla apteekissa ostamassa liukastuvoidetta."

Ehkä hitunen liikaa tietoa?

By Crumpet

Oh, I'm coming to the point

Mr Meldrew: "I don't believe these letters. Listen to this one. "'Dear Aunty Lucy, although we both are over seventy my husband and I still enjoy normal relations every Saturday night with the help of painkillers. My husband is a little confuced as to subject of contraception and always keeps his cap on as a precaution."

In episode Love and Death in One Foot in the Grave

By Bean & Crumpet

Silly kind of thing to do, wouldn't you say?

Crumpet has a habit of asking arduous questions. 

The question of the day is:

"Which is better: an orgasm that makes you laugh or an orgasm that makes you cry?"

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C:llä on tapana esittää vaikeita kysymyksiä. 

Päivän kysymys kuuluu:

"Kumpi on parempi:orgasmi, joka saa sinut nauramaan vai orgasmi, joka saa sinut itkemään?

By Bean & Crumpet

Let's have the whole story from start to finish

Buck Strickland: "I like to eat, I like to hump and I don't like to drive."

In King of the Hill

By Bean & Crumpet

I'll drop you

"Chivalry got killed by the feminist movement in all them magazines that got women goin' crazy because women got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And it's true. I see the shit in the magazines. I don't read 'em, but I be seein' the cover. I look at - you ever be in the grocery store, fellas, you look at one of them magazines, and it say on the cover, "a hundred ways to please your man" by some lady. Get outta here, man. Come on. Ain't no hundred ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with balls and fix him a sandwich and don't talk so much. And that makes them happy. That's it."

Dave Chappelle in Killin' Them Softly

By Bean & Crumpet

I anticipate solid results

In men's locker rooms you can hear some raunchy stuff..

Two middle-aged men, exchanging greetings, then..

1: "Are you going fucking?"

2: "Nah, I already went yesterday, I can't be bothered all the time."

By Bean

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Miesten pukuhuoneessa jutut voivat olla aika roisia..

Kaksi keski-ikäistä miestä, vaihtavat ensin kuulumisia, sitten..

1: "Oletko menossa nussimaan? Sä näytät siltä.."

2: "Eiku mä olin jo eilen, ei sitä koko ajan jaksa."

By Bean

A second glance

Why does a young & healthy couple choose to take their honeymoon in a place, where they can not have sex and what does that choise tell about their relationship?

--------

Miksi nuori & terve pariskunta valitsee häämatkakohteekseen paikan, jossa ei voi harrastaa seksiä ja mitä tuo valinta kertoo heidän parisuhteestaan?

By Crumpet

Subdued and chastened

Ben Hood: "Paul, I was thinking, this may be as good as time as any to have a little talk. About, uh.Well, about a..well the hole gamut. Uh. Facts of life. 'Cos I tell you this, there are things happening that you are probably old enough to digest."

Paul Hood: "Things."

Ben Hood: "Things that happen between a... Uh..Well, uh. On the self-abuse front. And this is important. I don't think it's advisable to do it in the shower. Wastes water and electricity and because we all expect you to be doing it in there anycase. And not on the linen. Uh. Anyway, if your worried about anything at all, uh, feel free to ask, and we'll look it up."

Paul Hood: "Dad, you know I'm sixteen."

Ben Hood: "All to more reason to having this little heart to heart."

In The Ice Storm

By Bean & Crumpet

Precisely

Deacon: "Morning action. Nice work."
Doug: "No big deal."
Deacon: "No big deal? Didn't you once call morning sex the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it? "

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

Confession time?

"My business, I'm around a lot of women. That one ain't getting laid."

Silvio Dante in Sopranos

---
By Crumpet

A rough end of an pineapple

Let's listen to a hymn dedicated to the disappearing gentlemens lavatories of Old London by Dudley Sutton.

By Crumpet
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Kuunnelkaamme Dudley Suttonin hymniä, joka on omistettu Vanhan Lontoon katoaville herrasmiesten mukavuuslaitoksille.

By Crumpet

Lust and passion

Finnish are having less sex then they did in the 90's, new study Lust & Passion by Ph. D. Osmo Kontula (to be published next week) reveales.

It seems Bean & Crumpet were not a part of the study.

In the space of two years B&C have broken two beds.

That is nice achievement, don't you think?;)

By Crumpet
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Suomalaiset harrastavat nykyisin vähemmän seksiä kuin 90-luvulla, tutkija Osmo Kontulan uusi, ensi viikolla julkaistava tutkimus Halu & Intohimo paljastaa.

Vaikuttaa siltä, että Bean & Crumpet eivät olleet mukana tutkimuksessa.

Kahden vuoden sisällä B&C ovat onnistuneet hajottamaan kaksi sänkyä.

Ihan mukava saavutus, vai mitä? ;)

By Crumpet

Pretended ecstasy

What makes a woman or a man to fake an orgasm? And more importantly, who is the winner in that situation? The partner that thinks is satisfaying his/her companion or the one not getting the satisfaction? This is an interesting question.

I believe that most of times the reason for faking an orgasm can be found in ones inability to express ones own sexual needs to ones parner. Perhaps the lenght of the foreplay, practiced positions or the lack of closeness or intimacy in the relationship are obstacles in mutual satisfaction. For women there is still (unfortunately) basfulness – expressing ones sexual desires might feel shameful (many women are still raised up to be seduced in a relationship, not to be the seducer). Actively presenting sexual needs might bring to mind the image of nymfomaniac or ”a dirty woman”, therefore one is unable to express ones own feelings and needs. Of course, problems in a relationship can many times be seen in the sexual area too. If everyday life is nothing but bickering then probably ”the romping” is the last thing in ones mind..

I believe that healthy sexual self-esteem should be everyones priviledge, regardless of ones sex. Perhaps the best thing would be to talk about ones needs frankly early on in the relationship and not for example ten years into the relationship. Years of faking will undoubtedly leave deep scarring for both parties after beeing revealed. When sexual fulfilment is mutual, both parties will be winners. And this way the relationship has one more presupposition to succeed.
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Mikä saa naisen tai miehen teeskentelemään orgasmia? Ja kuka siinä tilanteessa on sitten voittaja? Kumppani, joka luulee tyydyttävänsä toisen osapuolen vai hän, joka oikeasti ei saa tyydytystä? Tämä on mielenkiintoinen kysymys.

Uskoisin, että syy orgasmin teeskentelyyn löytyy useimmiten kyvyttömyydestä ilmaista omia seksuaalisia toiveita kumppanille. Ehkä esileikin kesto, harjoitetut asennot tai ylipäätään läheisyyden puute suhteessa ovat esteenä molemminpuoliselle tyydyttymiselle. Naisilla asiaan liittyy edelleen (valitettavasti) myös häveliäisyys - omien seksuaalisten tunteiden ilmaiseminen saattaa tuntua häpelliseltä (kasvatetaanhan naisia edelleen siihen, että heidän kuuluu suhteessa olla vieteltävä, ei niinkään viettelijä). Aktiivinen oman seksuaalisuuden esiintuominen voi mielikuvana tuoda esiin nymfomaanin tai "likaisen naisen", siksi omia tarpeita ja tuntemuksia ei uskalleta ilmaista. Tietysti ongelmat ihmissuhteessa heijastuvat useinmiten myös suhteen seksuaaliselle puolelle. Jos arki on yhtä riitaa, tuskin "petipuuhat" silloin sytyttävät...

Mielestäni tervettä seksuaalista itsetuntoa pitäisi löytyä jokaiselta, sukupuoleen katsomatta. Parasta lienisi, jos omista tarpeista kykenisi keskustelemaan heti suhteen alkumetreiltä saakka, eikä esimerkiksi vasta kymmenen yhteisen vuoden jälkeen. Vuosikausien teeskentely jättää varmasti syvät arvet molemmille osapuolille paljastuttuaan. Kun seksuaalinen nautinto on molemminpuolista, kumpikin osapuoli voittaa. Näin ihmissuhteella on myös yksi edellytys enemmän onnistua.

By Crumpet