This seemed to interest Uncle Percy

Richie Iannucci: "Okey. Goin' in to your head, you're goin' to have to choose one. Would you rather have toothpicks showed under your fingernails or take the subway, at rush hour, naked?
Doug Heffernan: "Hmm, let's... I'm going to go with the toothpicks, just for everyone elses sake."
Richie: "All right. Gime me one."
Doug: "M-okay. Would you rather have, have your big toe amputated or make out with Larry King for 15 minutes?
Richie: "We lyin' down or standin' up?"
Doug: "You're leaning against a car."
Richie: "Argh, it's right down the line!"
Doug: "Yeah. You think that one over."

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

Stuffy, supercilious, glassy-eyed walking corpse

How sad it is, when you base your life choices
 - weather it is buying an apartment, getting an education, decorating your home, organizing your wedding, starting a job or having children-
 just to see admiration or envy on other peoples eyes.
---------
Kuinka surullista onkaan, jos tekee elämänvalintansa
 - oli kyse sitten asunnon hankinnasta, koulutuksesta, kodin sisustuksesta, häistä, työpaikasta tai lapsista -
vain nähdäkseen toisten ihmisten silmissä ihailua tai kateutta.

By Bean & Crumpet

I sent him an urgent cable

A side comment to the Finnish fat discussion, that is, on what grounds one should choose it..

Two young, slender, foreign women. Are carefully studying the selectiong of spreads. One of the women - with a pack of butter - approaches and asks in English: 

"Excuse me, but is this butter or margarin?"

It is butter, normally salted, I answer to her.

"And it tastes nice?" she wants to ensure.

------

Välikommentti suomalaiseen rasvakeskusteluun, eli siihen, millä perusteella rasva valitaan..

Kaksi nuorta, hoikkaa, ulkomaalaistaustaista naista. Tutkiskelevat kaupan levitevalikoimia tarkkaan. Toinen naisista - voipaketti kädessään - tulee kysymään englanniksi:

"Anteeksi, voisitteko kertoa, onko tämä voita vai margariinia?"

Se on voita, normaalisuolaista, vastaan hänelle.

"Maistuuhan se hyvälle?" hän vielä varmistaa.

By Crumpet

I failed to do it

Young American woman to another on the street.

1: "Why did you choose art?"

2: "I have no idea."

--------

Nuori amerikkalainen nainen toiselle kadulla.

1: "Miksi sä valisit taiteen?"

2: "Mulla ei ole aavistustakaan."

By Bean & Crumpet