May I come in?

Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo: "I am forcing ze rubber pipe over ze nipple."
Private Helga Geerhart: "How fortunate that you are here, Herr Flick. I have no experience of this sort of thing."
Herr Flick:"It would be beyond your capabilities. It is stiff and hard. It is done. Now, I will watch the gauge. You will pump. Place your feet in ze stirrups. Bend over. It is more effective if you grip it firmly with both ands. Now - Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust! Faster! Faster! Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust! Thrust! Thrust! Thrust! It is building up! Thrust! Thrust! Thrust! Thrust! We are nearly there! Pull! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!"
Helga:"I cannot keep it up much longer!"
Herr Flick: "You must! You must! Thrust! Thrust! Pull! Thrust!"
Helga: "I am pulling and thrusting, Herr Flick!"
Herr Flick: "Stop! Stop!"
Helga: "Was that all right?"
Herr Flick: "For me excellent. How about you?"
Helga: "Exhausting. But very exciting."
Herr Flick: "Was this your first time?"
Helga: "Yes. Never before has one gone flat on me."

when pumping a tyre in 'Allo 'Allo

By Bean & Crumpet