I hardly think I would be prepared to go as far as that

An offer that one can not refuse?

The Gout Man: "You should join that swimming club. Once a year in February you receive a letter at home. They serve coffee and pulla here in the swimming hall to those invited. And you also get a free bag and shampoo as well. And it doesn't cost a thing."

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Tarjous, josta ei voi kieltäytyä?

Kihtimies: "Liity säkin tuohon uintikerhoon. Aina kerran vuodessa helmikuussa saat kirjeen kotiin. Täällä hallilla sitten tarjotaan kahvit ja pullaa kaikille kutsutuille. Sitten saat ilmaisen kassin ja shampoota ja silleeen. Eikä se maksa mitään."

By Crumpet

Have you noticed a peculiar thing as you go through life?

A woman talks about her happy relationship:

"My husband does everything. All I need to do is to gain weight."

 -----

Nainen kertoo onnellisesta parisuhteestaan:

"Mun mies tekee kaiken. Mulla ei ole muuta tekemistä kuin lihominen."

By Bean & Crumpet

You have nudist views?

"Some time before, when he had found it impossible for him to be in her presence, still less to converse with her, without experiencing a warm, clammy, shooting sensation and a feeling of general weakness similar to that which follows a well-directed blow at the solar plexus, he had come to the conclusion that he must be in love."

In The Coming of Bill by P.G. Wodehouse

Exactly five years ago we went on our first date. That night eight-year friendship changed into love..
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Päivälleen viisi vuotta sitten menimme ensitreffeille. Tuona iltana kahdeksan vuoden ystävyys muuttui rakkaudeksi..

By Bean & Crumpet

Have you your keys?

A thousand and one ways to seduce a woman.

Man: ""I'll start baking now."

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Tuhat ja yksi tapaa vietellä nainen. 

Mies: "Mä lähden nyt leipomaan."

By Crumpet

He would supply them with his waist measurements

Arthur: "Ah, dinner Italiano! Whumbaa! Aren't you having anything, sweetheart?"

Carrie: "No, I'm on a diet."

Arthur: "Ah, you kids with your dieting and your health. In my day, we dropped dead of a massive coronary in our mid-fifties and we liked it!"

In King of Queens

By Bean & Crumpet

Starting at the feet

Absent-minded day.

On an absent-minded day, when you leave the swimming hall, only then you come to realize, that you have an odd pair of shoes on.

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Hajamielinen päivä.

Hajamielisenä päivänä huomaat vasta uimahallilta lähtiessäsi, että sinulla on eriparia olevat kengät jalassasi.

By Crumpet

He must find me in bed

Alcohol strategy.

Man: "First I'll drink for eight days straight. Then I'll quit booze for three months: that means only light tippling. After that I can drink again for eight days straight, as long as I'll quit booze for three months after..”

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Alkoholistrategia.

Mies: "Ensin mä juon 8 päivää putkeen. Sitä seuraa kolme nenänvalkaisukuukautta, eli kevyttä tissuttelua. Sitten mä voin taas juoda 8 päivää putkeen, kunhan pidän taas kolme nenänvalkaisukuukautta.."

By Bean & Crumpet

A few days off

In the swimming hall, which had opened again after a summer break. An old lady talks to an equally old man.

Woman says later to her lady friend: “It’s always so nice to see these old ones, who come here regularly. You know then, that they have survived.”

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Uimahallissa, sen auettua taas kesätauon jälkeen. Vanha nainen keskustelee vanhan miehen kanssa.

Nainen sanoo myöhemmin naisystävälleen: "Se on aina niin kiva nähdä näitä vanhoja, jotka käyvät täällä vakituisesti. Tietää, että ne ovat selvinneet tauon yli."

By Bean & Crumpet

Ingenious

Happiness are relatives, whom are practically our neighbours and whom we consider to be our true friends.

-------
Onni on lähes naapurissa asuvat sukulaiset, jotka ovat aidosti myös ystäviämme.

By Bean & Crumpet

An escape

What positive things are there to be said to someone, who has divorced three times?
"Well, at least you have deared to plunge."
----
Mitä postiivista sanoa kolme avioeroa läpikäyneelle?"
"No, ainakin sinä olet uskaltanut heittäytyä."

By Bean & Crumpet